AKA
Guy's Wisdom:

Kids are just old people waiting to happen

Everything is a limited time offer

I saw an item for sale in a catalog, it was called a "dummy security camera". I think it's great that they have cameras that won't bother to take security video of the more intelligent people

If "anything is possible" it must be possible that that isn't true or that nothing is possible

I went to a store the other day and on the floor was a warning cone with a sign on it that said "wet floor"
... so I did

I am really up to date with the newest technology, I have digital fingers

I went to go to a stationery store but when I got there it wasn't there any more... it wasn't a stationery store any more it had become a Mobil gas station...   I guess
eventually after awhile it will be a stationery store again or maybe it will move
                       

I need to find a new doctor... I found out the one I was going to is still practising.

Eventually it won't be possible to say anything that isn't a cliche.

All these guys I keep seeing with beautiful girls on their arm made me feel left out so I got a tattoo

There are some things I would like to invent... one is a wrist-sundial ... luminous for night use. Also I think a wireless extension cord could be very useful

When dry ice melts what is it? Dehydrated water?

Stores keep falsely advertising. They say "buy one, get one free" so you should be able to buy ONE and get that one free, or else they should say "buy one get a second one free
"

Satellites must be eating more than they used to, I notice more satellite dishes nowadays

What are you supposed to call elderberries before they ripen?